You graduated high school. You packed up all your things and you’re moving into a dorm room or your first apartment. Finally, you have the chance to define life on your own terms. For many queer people, leaving our family and getting our own place is the chance to finally seek out the experiences we’ve always wanted but weren’t allowed to have when every move, every decision we made was scrutinized by the family that we grew up with. 

In this final volume of our “Firsts” series we hear from Fruitbowl contributors about a variety of firsts: first “intimacies,” first boyfriends, first gay bars, first kisses; coming out, going in again, coming out a second time; all the things we wanted to do for so long and finally got the chance. 

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These days, thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to hook up; but no app can provide the rush you feel when you lock eyes with someone in person and you know, without any verbal communication, that there is a mutual interest. In this episode, our interviewees share first-time stories of cruising as well as other anecdotes about the art of cruising and what we’ve lost now that it has become less common.

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Let’s end Pride 2024 with a bang! For this episode, Dave is taking a break from his series on First Times and he’s selected a few of his favorite moments when interviewees shared profound thoughts about queerness, community, identity and, of course, there are a lot of things to say about sex. So put your rubbers on because tea will be spilled, mics will be dropped and truth bombs will be detonated.

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There’s a tendency to devalue first times that originate online. There’s no meet-cutes; no love at first sight. Often, the getting-to-know-you window happens remotely. Most of them are one-offs we will never see ever again. But, like it or not, this is the way most of us find first time partners now though there are signs that dating apps are losing users and people are starting to rely more on in-person opportunities.

The most compelling part of first time internet hookups is when we finally act on the desire that burns deep inside of us and we decide to finally follow through. Expectation collides with reality. We might meet sex partners who have the potential to excite us and fulfill all of our fantasies or they could be spectacular flame outs that send us into shame spirals. Most hookups land somewhere between these two extremes. We just never really know which it will be. Either way, they’re proof of the boundless optimism and fierce bravery of queer people.

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As I was building this second high school hookup episode, I realized that many of the stories have striking similarities. People who grew up thousands of miles apart, often in different decades, had similar coming of age experiences. So I decided to create an entire episode featuring story pairs that are like fun-house reflections of each other; further proof that, even though queer adolescence is often full of deep insecurity and loneliness, there is likely someone out there who is going through the same thing you are.

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For queer people, our sexuality is not something that just switches on one day. It reveals itself over time - usually during adolescence - and the experience is often internal and private. Our first explorations into physical intimacy with other people often serve as a kind of test to see if we like it and help us start to define the role that sex will play in our lives as adults. High school is “go time” for these explorations and life quickly becomes a steaming stew of hormones, insecurities and hurt feelings. These first experimentations with friends or acquaintances and people that we know happen to many of us, yet we rarely share these stories with each other as adults.

In this first of four episodes dedicated to first times, Dave collects stories from thirteen different interviewees whose first time was with people they already knew.  Next up will be another high school episode followed by one about internet hookups and a fourth “first time” episode that collects stories about old-school “cruising.”  So prepare yourself because things are going to get … awkward.

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