One of my favorite Fruitbowl questions I ask every interviewee is “What’s your best move?” Most people think they’re best move is being intuitive and connecting with their partners - which is super important but for this episode I’ve decided to feature best move answers that are about one specific sex act. These responses might surprise you or shock you. Or maybe you’ll learn a new move that you’ll be able to try out next time. Regardless, I think there’s something here for everyone.

Adam T. (S3E20) - Breaking in tops who wanna learn to bottom; Steven M. (S4E14) - “I give good Daddy.” Josh (S3E1) - Discovering my inner “Power Top.” Sam (S1E1) - The Move™ for Trans Men who haven’t had bottom surgery; Steven M. (S4E14) - Dom moves; Dave (S4E15) - Spinning the bottom; George (S1E7) - “Everyone loves a good reveal.” Jon (S1E12) - Start shallow and slow then plow (with consent); Donovan (S3E18) - Missionary with kissing; Aditya (S2E2) - Nuzzle him; Alex (S3E10) - Bottom role / top energy; Elliott (S3E11) - topping from the bottom for non-binary; Dan (S3E16) - “Being the best bottom I can be.” Kenny (S4E6) - Sliding down into the splits; Dan (S3E16) - Cleaning out is also “me time.” Carlos (S1E2) - “Straight” men and lacy lingerie; Saira (S3E21) - Oral and pushing boundaries (with consent); Gabe (S1E8) - “Sit back, relax and watch Harry Potter”; Jerry (S1E4) - “I’m a hungry little man.” Salvador (S3E6) - “Be squeaky clean and ready to go.” Mikey (S1E10) - “Lay on your back and I’ll sit down.” Alan (S3E2) - “I’m kneeling on the floor and he’s laying on his back”; Jason (S1E1) - Picking him up, upside down.

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We all know the script: You meet someone. You date. You eventually say “I love you.” Pretty soon, you’re on the relationship escalator: moving in together, getting married and living the life that everyone dreams of. For generations, this script also assumed monogamy. 

But this episode is not about those kinds of relationships. This episode features stories about how we discover our own preferences when it comes to sexual exclusivity and the different ways queer people define relationships. 

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Kink is, by nature, taboo. That’s part of its appeal. Paradoxically, kinksters are often better at articulating what they want from sex because their sexual interests fall outside the boundaries of the most common sexual encounters. 

Kinksters are known for blazing trails when it comes to innovative ways to talk about sex and give consent. Consent is built into the process of negotiating together what will and what won’t go down. 

For example, in this episode, Ari describes asking potential partners to fill out a google doc questionnaire before they hookup in an effort to know what it is they want and as an introduction to Ari’s preferences and philosophies about sex.

Other people describe the green light, yellow light, red light system that allows the bottom to communicate their comfort level.

If any of the activities in either of these kink episodes interest you, I encourage you to read up or take classes on best-practices for safety protocol. Educate yourself and make sure you are clear with your partners about boundaries and safety so that every hookup can be mutually enjoyable. And have fun out there!

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It’s tempting for queer people to want to conceal our kinks in an effort to be more acceptable to straight society. Acting like vanilla heteros is just one way to live in peace during this era of government-sanctioned hostility towards queer people. But bible thumping conservatives don’t really differentiate between kinky and non-kinky queer people. So we may as well let our freak flags fly. 

In this first episode of a two part series on kink, we’ll hear a variety of stories about kink discovery, kink education, kink acceptance and first-person descriptions of amazing communities and relationships that grew from a shared interest of kink.

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Religion has a terrible track record when it comes to queer members and topics: condemnation, rejection and often, in the case of the Catholic church, exploitation and ultimately excommunication. While not all religions are anti-LGBT, most everyone I interviewed for Fruitbowl had negative experiences with their faith, especially in their  coming of age years when we didn’t have the agency to decide for ourselves if religion was something we actually wanted to participate in. Instead, it was thrust upon us and, as a result, many queer people became disenfranchised and suspicious of faith based institutions and the many self-righteous followers who feel empowered to judge us.

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To be trans in America right now is to live day to day knowing that your very existence is considered a provocation, a threat. But for the next hour and 13 minutes, I invite you to leave all the chaos and vitriol of our current political climate behind and listen to these trans and non-binary interviewees share some of my favorite Fruitbowl stories about identity, community, sex and intimacy. Not just trans stories. Human stories. Just listen and I can guarantee you’ll find something you identify with.

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